When Soda calls his Name
by SaucyMongoose
Summary: It's sort of hard to explain how the two most dangerous men in Ikebukuro and soda mingle with each other. Then again, maybe it isn't. A bit OOC... kind of crazy. One-shot. It's not yaoi. I hope you'll like it.


Izaya waltzed downstairs from his lair. He was day dreaming about the usual. Humans, Dullahans and soda. Soda you inquire? Yes, the twenty three year old man had a thirst that only soda could quench. Even part sociopaths need a soda once in a while, and Izaya was no exception. And you may ask, "What is this fizzy carbonated beverage Izaya wants so bad anyway?" Well I'll tell you. It's a Mellow Yellow.

He couldn't settle for Mountain Dew. He couldn't stand Mountain Dew. You may say, "Mountain Dew and Mellow Yellow are exactly alike." If you do, just know that the informant would pull out one of his trusty switchblades and dare you to say it again. If you have the sheer monkey balls to do that, good luck.

There's something about Mellow Yellow that is completely different from Mountain Dew. Izaya would be too busy to tell you about it, and I'm just a narrator so I guess we'll never find out….Sad right?

When our conniving little devil named Izaya reached the last step, he was surprised to see that the reliable vending machine he received Mellow Yellow from was missing. And we all know Izaya; he's never surprised. If he is surprised, he's never surprised for long. So a smirk creeped up onto his face as he turned around to see Shizu-chan.

A.K.A Shizuo Heiwajima, the strongest man in Ikebukuro.

"IZAYA!" He yelled with a fierce expression and a very heavy vending machine in his hands. And what does he do with a very heavy vending machine? Throw it at Izaya, of course.

As said before, we all know this man wearing that cute little fur trimmed jacket. Of course, he easily dodged it with a smirk on his face. He dodged that vending machine so easily that you have to find a word other than easy that could describe how easy that was. Izaya, Izaya… he has to make everything look so simple. Especially the art of dodging city property flying at him at super high speeds.

"Shizu-chan," he started smoothly, "I wanted a Mellow Yellow but you killed the vending machine. What am I supposed to do now?" He glanced back at the broken and battered vending machine and smirked like the little bastard he is. "And then you show up so late and for no apparent reason, how insensitive of you."

"I came here to bash your face in! You cancelled anger management somehow, didn't you?" inquired the oh so furious man.

Izaya chuckled his amazing chuckle and said curtly, "It wasn't working. It isn't working. Take a look at yourself Shizu-chan."

"My ass it wasn't! Right now, I'd be chasing you down the street instead of listening to what you have to say- even though that's pretty stupid because talking to you is like talking to some lunatic donkey- if it wasn't for anger management. It was the best thing that happened to me since cable television. But you cancelled both… BOTH!" Shizuo picked up the nearest trash can. They were the luckiest of Izaya killing items.

"I'm like your mother Shizu-chan," Izaya sighed, "if it's not good for you I get rid of it." The trash can flew past his beautiful face. "Whether _you_ like it or not."

Shizuo exploded and Izaya ran.

You've seen an Izaya vs. Shizuo brawl before haven't you? Then you can understand that a lot of people can get unintentionally injured, and some buildings can become seriously damaged. You should also understand that these fights can go on for a couple minutes. By a couple minutes, I mean, a few hours.

It was two at night when the fight started (Izaya's a freaky night owl. Shizu-chan knows this all too well) and it was six thirty in the morning when the fight came to a sudden stop. Cause? That damned truck.

That _damned_ truck. It was seriously starting to piss off a certain someone you never want to see pissed. It hurt (even though Shizuo's body was like a piece of steel), it stung, and it was _frustrating_. Shizuo could've swore he had that damn, shitty, stinking flea right where he wanted him. And what was this, like the third, fifth, maybe even the twelfth time he's been hit by a damn truck!? It's like the same damn truck always wants to piss-

Oh, wait a second.

Shizuo stopped his mental rant and stopped yanking himself off the pavement when he caught eye of what that pesky little bastard was doing. He was at a vending machine, buying a soda.

"All this for a soda," Izaya sighed. He turned around to face the battered (Izaya couldn't help but picture that vending machine Shizu-chan destroyed. Shizu-chan and a destroyed vending machine were one in the same) and broken man and smirked, "You owe me a Mellow Yellow, Shizu-chan. This one only had Fanta." And he waltzed away, like he wasn't battling the strongest man in Ikebukuro for a couple of hours.

Shizu-chan was tired. He wished he could fall asleep in the street, but that wouldn't be such a great idea would it? So he picked himself up and went home. Hopefully, he didn't destroy the last vending machine that sold Mellow Yellow (if that was even possible). Don't get him wrong. He wanted to enjoy the satisfying thud the soda would make when it bounced off the flea's head rather than watch him drink it.

As for Izaya… he was pissed. He had a Fanta for crying out loud. All he wanted a Mellow Yellow. He resisted the urge to throw it at Shizu-chan. We all know this shady informant never really shows his pissy side…

"Shizu-chan is so much fun. He should feel lucky he's so much _damn_ fun."

This is exactly why he can never get along with the filthy beast.


End file.
